kristin has been a bad kristin
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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