wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize