just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
