Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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