At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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