Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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