do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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