There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
