do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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