They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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