I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
