what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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