I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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