I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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