I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
