absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
