This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
