Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
