Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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