Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
