I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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