you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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