4 words: hood of his car
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
