Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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