I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
