he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
