I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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