that's an acceptable place to lick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
