You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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