I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
