so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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