im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
