By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
