What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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