i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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