My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
