I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
