dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
