I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
