I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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