u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
