i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
