he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
