You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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