he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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