What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
