you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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