I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
