smell my finger.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
