I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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