My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
