I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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