i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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