The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
