I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
