no you cant smoke seaweed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
