I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
