Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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