i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
