if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
