Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
