I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
