I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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