My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The air was thick with penises
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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