So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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