haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Congratulations! We have a period
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