Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
