I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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