she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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