I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
