i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize