I want to make a zoo with you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
