No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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