We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have fence marks all over my body
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
