I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it hurts more in the daytime
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
