you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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