Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
