tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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