What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
