I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
