If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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