You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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