I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
